It Just "Happens"

Whew! It's been quite the adjustment to life since we arrived home from our big adventure! It's taken us all a little time to get back into the swing of things-actually it's truly debatable if we are fully adjusted back to the American ways. The day after our return-Steve was back to work and then that following Monday so was I. In other words- back.to.reality. About two weeks into work I started having these spells of extreme nausea and dizziness. I just knew that I was knocked up once again. A little excited, a little nervous, a little "I'm not ready for this"-I took a pregnancy test. Negative. A wave a relief washed over me (Is it wrong for me to want Nico to have all of my extra attention for a little while longer?) and as quickly as the relief came-another big wave of fear suddenly took over. If these weren't pregnancy symptoms there was something way way wayyyyy wrong going on. I decided at that point to head my little butt over to the walk in where I spent the rest of the morning getting a full work up of tests done. To spare you the boring details as well as potentially save you some medical bills (in case you too are a breastfeeding working mama transitioning back to full time work)-it was concluded that since I went from nursing Nico whenever he wanted all summer long to suddenly just nursing him morning and night my body was hating me. A little more specifically, my body was wondering what the heck was going on and was/is currently throwing me into a crazy hormonal state while it tries to figure "me" out (good luck with that). Who would have known that weaning your baby too quickly makes you have every early symptom of pregnancy without being pregnant? Not this nurse! Makes total sense but who has time to make total sense of anything nowadays? Especially this time a year. This is my crunch time. Such crunch time that I'm flying by minute by minute-day by day-otherwise I feel completely overwhelmed. I mean I only have federal rules, state licensing requirements and 300 and some children's health needs to oversee-so no pressure. Other than that I have pretty close to a dream job…or at least in my opinion I do. I've held other titles in life-some that from the outside world may have looked pretty fabulous but really left me feeling pretty unfulfilled.  So finding this gig has always felt a bit like destiny (and the reason why I can't let it go). I get to work with little kids (my favorite) and I get to work a school year schedule which means no night shifts, no holidays, no weekends and lots of breaks. It's a pretty sweet deal…especially as a nurse-it's practically unheard of. Since I tend to get bored with the day in and day out life sometimes gives us- this job allows me to do something different each and every day and when I start to feel the burnout of the in and outs of my job -I have a fall/winter/spring/summer break to refocus and regroup. My work also really helps to keep my own perspective of what life is and that many of my own "problems" are not "problems" in the grand scheme of things. And now as a mother, I realize how lucky my son is to have his basic needs and then some met on a daily basis. For many children that is not a guarantee. 

After having Nico I really struggled with whether to go back or not. It's something I struggle with even still. My mom was a stay at home mom so it's always something I have wanted when I became a mom myself. Out of respect to my duties and those I work with I decided to return to my job last year. I was able to slowly transition back which was very helpful for me. Now this school year I'm going back at it hard. I need to figure out if this type of "schedule" is going to work for our family and I really hope it does. It feels good to provide and contribute to our lifestyle and feel like I'm being a productive member within my family and more importantly a citizen to the community I live in. I think as a mom it's incredibly healthy (I can say this because I've done it both ways after having the summer off) to go out and have some adult interaction and to be able to use my brain to its capacity. But not only that, I love my job…like really love it.  I work with an incredible team of ladies that each day we all are acting like we are saving the world…and in reality I guess we kind of are. Just recently a parent wanted to show her appreciation since her child "graduated" from the program. This token meant so much to me (yes I teared up)-knowing this mother has limited means and still found a way to show her appreciation...it truly was worth so much more than any gift that she could have ever bought me (not that I could have accepted anyway).

A Handmade Nurse Jessica Minion? Stop it!

"Thanks of making sure she's healthy"

This is why I do what I do…and hope to continue to do what I do for as long as possible. Yes, it can be mentally stressful and demanding and it has brought me to tears many days out of frustration and exhaustion. But when you are fighting for and giving a voice to children and advocating for families is there really anything more noble than that? I hope I'm doing right by teaching my son to stand up for people that don't have a voice or have yet to find theirs. And I'm really hoping that he grows up with a strong work ethic and to be a contributing and  productive citizen as well. I can't wait till I get to tell Nico that his mama helps other little kids be healthy and happy. Till then I'm going to take his wave and smile each morning when I leave as a sign that he understands and approves that he doesn't mind sharing his mom with other kids that need her too.

When I'm not working-we have been enjoying every little last drop of summer. All while being mesmerized by Nico growing and learning all sorts of new "tricks". Nico is a master waver. He's been waving for some time now but the way he does it still cracks me up! He actually has two types of waves. Both require no movement of any part of the arm. It's solely the hand and fingers-in this perfect little wave that would make Miss America green with envy. And boy does he love to wave! He's quite the Luigi's greeter when we swing in for a visit, he waves to the horses, and the dogs, and even to Nonna's house. Bravo baby. Nico is currently furniture walking and using his little walker and now working towards achieving master walker status to go with his master wave. One morning while he was showing off his new skills I said, "Where did my little baby go?!" On cue he shot his arm straight up and did his little four finger perfect wave. I get it big kid. Bye bye is right. 

Bye-Bye Baby.

He now has no time for a diaper change. This has become a full one on one wrestling match. At times even two on one. The fact that I've never took up wrestling and also that he debatably may be stronger than me doesn't help this process. But why would he want to just lay there? There is so much fun to be had and so many more exciting things to do nowadays than getting your butt wiped...

Riding A Turtle Or Getting My Butt Wiped?

Eating Fresh Pears Or Getting My Butt Wiped?

Riding My Bike Or Getting My Butt Wiped?

Eating A Treat Or Getting My Butt Wiped?

Riding A Fire Truck Or Getting My Butt Wiped?

Little man is now also testing limits-over this last month he fake cries and watches to see how I react. When I call him him out-he seemingly knows exactly what I'm talking about and does his signature little slow smile that says without saying, "Oh mom you got me on that one." And then goes back to his happy little self. He likes to "sing" and loves taking the fork to feed himself. He also knows when he's being funny and knows when he's being sweet. Which only makes it that much funnier and that much more sweet. Oh! I think I may have failed to mention last month that he started saying "mamamama" but now he usually will just say "mom" not like a baby "mom" but like a perfect 6 year old "mom". It's awesome. 

Speaking of this "mom" thing. Someone recently told me that I make being a mom look really easy. And to be honest I feel it has been really easy. Mostly because I have a angel baby that is 99% time of the time very happy and content. I also have some help that keeps me sane. (Shout out to my mother-in-law and my mother that both kindly folds our laundry while my baby naps and to Faye for keeping my house clean so I can play with my baby instead). Other than not being a full time domestic goddess (remember that full time job thing I was talking about before?!) I'm good at this baby stuff and I'm good at the toddler stuff and I'm kinda good up until the age of maybe 9. After that point I'll be telling you all how much I suck. Promise. I feel it is important for one to be aware of their strengths and weaknesses. So I'll let you now indulge in my "weakness" or maybe where some others may consider I'm "failing" as a parent. It's in the sleep department. I may have "spoiled" my baby from early on with letting him fall asleep in my arms. Now I have an 11 month old that has yet to sleep a full night in his crib.

When we first thought about transitioning to the crib I was like, "We will start the crib thing when I go back to work." 

Then it was like, "Oh crap, I need sleep in order to to be effective at work so we will just carry on as we are until summer break." 

Then it was like-"Well, it doesn't pay now because we're going to the other side of the world in a month and we are going to totally screw up his whole sleep cycle/routine so might as well wait." 

Now here we are. It really just happened. A couple weeks ago I decided we have to do something about this.right.now. Not only because I have a giant baby but I also have a giant husband and a queen sized bed. The remedy? I now crawl into his crib (FAIL but really hilariously funny) and nurse him to sleep (FAIL AGAIN). I have mastered the trick of getting out of the crib without him waking up in case you're assuming I'm failing at that too. Nope…totally succeeding there.

Errr...is there a weight limit?

Each night that passes, my time spent in the crib is becoming less and less which by golly- I think he's getting it. What? That means you can actually train a baby to sleep without them having to scream? Sorry, a little sarcasm there- but it's just something Steve and I didn't see eye to eye with the "experts" and agreed it wasn't the route we wanted to take. Not sure if climbing into a crib was exactly the route I had in mind either but hey it's currently working for us. And as a parent that is what it comes down to. It's not what works for the "experts" or your best friend or your neighbor's but solely what works best for your family. And after thinking about what others may consider a "fail"-I assure you in the fact that I know I'm hardly failing. This "problem" is truly not a problem (thank you career for reminding me some kids don't know where they are even going to sleep from night to night). Again, it's all perspective in life of what real problems are. Not to mention, any parent that has a child that is grown will tell you (and has told me) that the "one day" comes faster than you can possibly imagine. I know one day Nico is not going need me to fall asleep and for that single reason I'm going to savor every.single.second of my baby needing and wanting me. I am 100% certain-these are the moments in life that I'm going want desperately back. ONE thing is for sure-I have an incredible happy and healthy baby that knows I'm there for him when he needs me and also has no weird separation anxiety issues.

I don't think I'm screwing him up?!?

You want to talk about issues though? I had major issues last year with turning "30". Only for the fact that I distinctly remember my mom turning 30 and thinking ohmigosh she is sooooo old. So last year that's all I could hear in my head-was I'm 30 and now I'm the old one. Thank goodness I had a super fab party hosted by longtime friends that helped soften the blow a little bit. (Thank you Brockman Family). As my loyal readers probably know I very recently turned 3-1 and had another fabulous birthday-finally at 3-1, I feel like I'm totally owning it. No fear. No doubt. No hesitance. No issues. Just completely freaking owning it.

31 & I'm Positive This Is What Happiness Looks Like

Turning 3-1 and saying I'm 3-1 I believe was all in preparation for Nico turning 11 months tomorrow on the 11th. Then in 1 short month, my baby will be 1. It's like God knows he has to prepare me for Nico's 1 year birthday because He knows I'm not ready for Nico to be 1. So He decided to throw as may symbolic "1's" at me in a short time as He possibly could. Smart move God. Even talking about him turing 1 is something I can barely get through. Erin and I were at the park with our little babes and the 1 subject got brought up- I got so emotional that I had to tell her to stop talking because I was about 5 seconds away from becoming a hot bubbly mess with a complete waterworks spectacle. Don't get me wrong- I'm so happy that my baby is growing and thriving. But I kinda want him to be my little baby for just a tad bit longer. It's all just going too fast. Once again, it just happened. So in this next month, if you see me on the verge of tears know it's probably because we are preparing to celebrate this little boy's 1st year of life and celebrate us doing a pretty darn good job at raising him and it's all just so beautifully bittersweet.

Now if you will excuse me-I have a baby that's quickly growing that I'm going to let fall asleep in my arms tonight.

XO.

JLOVE AKA "Mommy"